it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
