please come you make the beer taste better
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
