well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
