you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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