getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
