I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
