remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
