Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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