I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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