The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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