If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
