hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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