Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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