I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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