I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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