Your face is a jimmy john
I need to stop coming to work sober
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
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I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
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He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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