when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
where are you?
Hypothermia
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
NoShamevember. You game?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
be right there i have to get my cape
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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