??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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