I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I can't put those talents on a resume
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
