Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
