So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Randomize
