Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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