I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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