Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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