Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
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Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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