Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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