dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
