God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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