You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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