Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
