he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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