I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
