No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
