He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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