I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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