Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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