Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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