Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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