i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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