Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
