I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
