If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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