Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
