i think my tv is drunk
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
