Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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