so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
