I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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