There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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