I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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