i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
