How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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