The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
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i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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