she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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