my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
