best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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