If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
