the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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