at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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